best i can be

when do i reconcile that imagery in my mind of who i am with who i can be? do visionary ideas of yourself help promote growth- motivation-movement or do they promote living outside the moment, in a day that may never come. do you truly know yourself if you're dreaming of being the best you can be? or does being the best you can be include taking into account your faults-of-the-moment and saying this is all I can do for now? well i'm never content to settle, so maybe i'll never be content.

Marbles Falling

My ideas don't form easily. They chug through layers, like a marble in a marble run. When they finally fall into my outstretched hands, I turn them over and over, examining the dimensions and assessing the weight.

Harry & David is the opposite of nourishment

Perfectly shining specimens should be hung on a Christmas tree, shellacked for good and turned into ornaments. Yes, the fruit is perfect, but it is empty, bereft of leaves and trunk. Sitting on my doorstep as a thank you from someone not close enough to send a sweater or feelings. It's a consolation prize. And it’s not cheap.

multi-tasking

Is multi-tasking a bullet point on your resume? Well, go ahead and scratch that one off because its meaning is now null and void. This is a generation of multi-taskers - it is inherent in our everyday lives, seeping into the quiet spaces that 'once upon a time' allowed for reflection and deep consideration. Just as that BA in liberal arts or literature or sociology or any of the "soft sciences" or humanties may now seem irrelevant in your job search, multi-tasking is no longer a marketable skill but an expected one. For better or worse.

Contacts

Isn't that the magic word in the creative world? Or the whole professional world? At the core of every "start your own business," "how to REALLY make money writing," how-to book is one basic piece of advice, that alone does you absolutely no good. Successful editors, book mavens and networking groups I've come into contact with all say the same. "It's who you know, make good contacts, network, put yourself out there."

If I'm inside reading a book to figure out how to go out and write instead of actually writing and putting myself out there, telling me to "make contacts" is meaningless. What the book should be training us on is how to overcome those anxieties or insecurities that are keeping us from making the contacts in the first place. Plain old people skills. Spend less time reading about doing and more time doing.

We all know the value of contacts, and if you don't you'll soon find out. Yet, trying to force yourself to engage in industry banter with someone you feel you "should" know is intimidating and uncomfortable for both parties. Find a local group, person, or organization that is doing something you really are passionate about or invested in and make contact with them, see how you can help out or if they have any upcoming events - if your interest is honest, it will show. And once you start getting published, do us all a favor and don't write another how-to book.

a traveling mind

When I travel, much of what I try to hold control of in my life dissipates. I welcome the relief and let decisions and circumstances flow off my back like water. Difficulties arise and frustration occurs, but I don’t worry about the most efficient use of my time. I am open to experience and what the byways bring my way. I embrace idiosyncrasy, cultural nuance and miscommunication as growth and discovery. Part of showing myself another way of living, another way of thinking.

Why can’t I do this when I’m at home? What is it about home that straps my feet to the floor and has me calculating and sometimes cold to my lover. When I’m lying in bed in the dark staring at glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling, I may scold myself for not working through my to-do list or calling my brother or at least going to yoga.

If I could take that “traveling mind” and bottle it up, or put it into place permanently, would I breathe easier and live better? Or would I be choosing to roam the earth letting life happen to me? I pride myself on making things happen, achieving steep goals that I set my mind to. I am afraid to give this up for fear of floating endlessly.

Travel is my therapy, my escape from self-constraint. As I proselytize about the benefits of cross-cultural immersion, I realize that my traveling has been more about me than anything. I’m traveling to escape my control.

Change and I

Change is a daily occurrence in my life today, but I still seek it further. Change I have always sought out, for my health or against. We have a co-dependent relationship this dashing, glamorous change and I. Sometimes he sweeps me so far down the road, I can hardly recognize the pattern of my own footsteps.

What I’m trying to say, artfully, is change just for the sake of change is not always what I/we need. Change can be a façade as well. One that I build for myself as in “the grass is always greener”…As I write, I remember that omnipotent, patient master I’ll meet one day. Balance is what I need, change is what I’m seeking.

My mother was sick, still I changed
My brother was alone, still I changed
My lover left his son, still I changed
My mother died, still I changed
Now I can’t find her because I’ve been so busy with all this change.

Change is a gift, change is a distraction.

What do I want now? What more can I want? I want the change, the big one.

You know what I’m talking about. The one where you live in balance and no longer seek change. You seek nothing. Not because you have no passion, but because your passion so deeply sustains you that it is your family, friend, lover; earth, air, fire, water all within.

Nirvana, right?